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Relationships

Pink Coneflowers
Pink Coneflowers love a warmer climate.

As we age, the significance of relationships becomes increasingly apparent. While youth often comes with an abundance of social interactions and casual connections, getting older tends to bring a deeper appreciation for meaningful relationships.

These connections, whether with family, friends, or partners, play an essential role in maintaining emotional, mental, and even physical well-being.

Emotional Support and Resilience

One of the greatest benefits of maintaining relationships as you get older is the emotional support they provide. Life presents ongoing challenges—health issues, loss, and major life transitions can become more frequent.

Having a solid network of friends or loved ones to lean on during these times provides much-needed comfort and resilience. Emotional support helps alleviate feelings of loneliness and isolation, which can significantly impact mental health. A strong support system fosters a sense of belonging and helps you navigate difficult moments with greater ease.

Mental and Cognitive Health

Relationships also contribute to mental sharpness and cognitive health. As we age, staying socially active can reduce the risk of cognitive decline. Regular interactions with friends and loved ones keep the mind engaged, offering stimulating conversations, new perspectives, and challenges.

Whether it’s catching up over coffee, playing a game, or discussing a book, social engagements help maintain brain health and prevent feelings of stagnation or boredom.

 Physical Health and Longevity

There is growing evidence that strong relationships are linked to better physical health. Studies have shown that individuals with close connections tend to live longer and experience better health outcomes than those who are isolated. Companionship encourages healthier behaviors, such as exercising, eating well, and attending medical checkups.

Friends and family members often provide gentle reminders to take care of ourselves, whether it’s a daily walk or a visit to the doctor.

The Value of Making New Connections

While maintaining existing relationships is crucial, making new connections as you get older is equally important. Life changes—such as retirement, moving, or the loss of loved ones—can reduce your social circle. Seeking new friendships or rekindling old ones can reinvigorate your social life. Joining clubs, engaging in community activities, or pursuing hobbies can introduce you to new people with shared interests.

As you age, relationships become one of the most important pillars of a happy, healthy life. Maintaining connections with friends and loved ones provides emotional support, improves cognitive function, and enhances overall well-being.

Whether nurturing existing bonds or building new ones, staying socially connected is key to thriving in later life.

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Growth Mindset

Have an agenda and your goals will be accomplished
Have a plan and keep refining for success.

Learning from mistakes and adopting a growth mindset are important for achieving success in both personal and professional goals. Embracing these principles not only increases resilience but also fosters continuous improvement and development.

A growth mindset, a concept popularized by psychologist Carol Dweck, is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort and learning. Individuals with a growth mindset view challenges as opportunities to grow rather than obstacles. This perspective encourages them to take risks and embrace new experiences, knowing that mistakes are part of the learning process.

Mistakes, while often viewed negatively, are valuable learning opportunities. When individuals make errors, they gain insights that can lead to better decision-making in the future. Instead of dwelling on failures, those with a growth mindset analyze what went wrong and why. This reflective process encourages a deeper understanding of their strengths and weaknesses. This allows them to adjust their strategies and methods moving forward.

Furthermore, learning from mistakes promotes resilience. Instead of feeling defeated by setbacks, individuals can cultivate a sense of perseverance. Each mistake can be reframed as a stepping stone toward success. This resilience is essential in a world where challenges and failures are unavoidable. By developing the ability to bounce back, individuals can maintain motivation and continue working toward their goals.

A growth mindset also encourages a love of learning. Individuals become curious and open to feedback, seeking out opportunities for growth and improvement. This eagerness to learn can lead to the development of new skills and a deeper understanding of one’s field. As individuals continue to expand their knowledge and abilities, they position themselves for greater success.

In addition, cultivating a growth mindset promotes collaboration and support among peers. When individuals are open about their mistakes and willing to learn from each other, it creates an environment of trust and innovation. Team members are more likely to share ideas and take risks, leading to collective growth and success.

Learning from mistakes and embracing a growth mindset are vital for achieving success. By viewing challenges as opportunities for growth, individuals can develop resilience, foster a love of learning, and enhance collaboration. This approach not only leads to personal development but also contributes to a more innovative and dynamic environment. This sets the stage for lasting success in your career and personal life.

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What I Learned

Graphic with the words Libraries are for Everyone

What I’ve learned over a 43-year career in education and public service is quite simple. And here’s my story to illustrate a few lessons from experience.

Rejection is Re-Direction

My very first interview was with Jack-in-the-Box, a fast food restaurant. I knew the Assistant Manager, a friend from high school, and thought I’d be great at the job. A job I needed to pay my way for a Student Council Conference in Nevada that summer. I didn’t get the job, despite my friend, Peter’s, recommendation.

Disappointment set in, until a week later the supervisor for our public library called me for an interview!  In two weeks, I would be shelving books, in the air-conditioned comfort of my local library.  Thank you, Mary!

Keep Growing

This first high school job, turned into a promotion, raises, and life experience managing people. Working at the library, with our team and leadership during this time was the best learning experience to set me on my career path.  I earned a degree, moved across country and worked for two food companies expanding my people skills into another industry.

I learned from other people different from me. I grew in my career (with more promotions) when young women were just starting to venture out independently in their careers. For example, I was one of the first women to wear pants in my company. I didn’t know I “shouldn’t” in the early 90’s, and I started a “trend” for the female staff.

Take a Break

Taking a break from your career is also a personal decision, my family made when I had children. There was no option to work remotely, and women were still the main caretakers during those years.

This “re-direction” worked out, because when my youngest was 5, I started working again at my public library. And this is the Universe providing the opportunity I needed, at the right time in my career.

I had the best boss, since the manager that hired me left two weeks into my tenure. But, he told me, “You’re ‘good people’ Kathy, and you’ll do well even after I’ve retired.”  After 25 years, that compliment and the break he provided me was the start of something even better.

Good Habits Equal Success

Back at the library, I learned every aspect of City government and managing large and smaller teams. My growth was due to volunteering for opportunities and always helping others which strengthen my people skills. Over time these work habits, plus self-awareness, and my solid reputation enabled me to reach my ultimate goal of Director.

The one thing I didn’t do, was applaud my own success. (Women tend not to “toot their own horn,” even today…. but we’re getting better!)

Over time with more rejection and redirection, I’ve discovered your career is not linear. Your career will take detours for many reasons. At times, you have no control over your path. But my innate character qualities, strong habits, and work ethic allowed me to succeed in other roles.

Roles that gave me more learning opportunities and success beyond my dreams.  I even returned to work for an organization that got me started early in my career. They knew me, my work, and my kind-heartedness. Match made in heaven!

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Continuing Education

Leadership written in blue and hand writing the word visible.Continuing education is crucial for professionals at any stage of their careers, even after achieving a stable position. In today’s rapidly evolving job market, staying current with industry trends and advancements is essential. Ongoing learning helps you adapt to changes in technology, regulations, and best practices. This ensuring you are relevant and competitive in your role.

Skills

One of the primary benefits of continuing education is skill enhancement. As industries evolve, new skills become necessary. By pursuing further education, professionals acquire new skills. This allows you to take on new responsibilities and improve job performance. A proactive approach can lead to career advancement, promotions, and increased job satisfaction.

Personal Growth

Continuing education fosters personal growth. Engaging in new learning experiences encourages critical thinking and creativity. It opens up opportunities to explore diverse perspectives and innovative solutions to challenges in the workplace. This not only enhances individual capabilities but also contributes to a more dynamic and productive work environment.

Networking

Networking opportunities also abound with continuing education. Workshops, seminars, and courses provide platforms for professionals to connect with peers and industry leaders. These connections can lead toward collaborations, mentorships, and other job opportunities. These will further enhance your career prospects down the road.

Lifelong Learning

Additionally, pursuing continuing education demonstrates a commitment to lifelong learning. Employers value individuals who actively seek knowledge and self-improvement. This dedication can set you apart from peers, showcasing your motivation and ambition.

Education is vital for career growth and personal development. It enables professionals to adapt to changes, acquire new skills, foster creativity, and build valuable networks. Embracing lifelong learning not only enhances individual careers but also contributes to a more knowledgeable and skilled workforce. Prioritizing ongoing education is essential for sustained success in any profession.

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Relocating Out of State

Have an agenda and your goals will be accomplished
Have a plan and keep refining for success.

Relocating to another state can be an exciting yet challenging experience. The key to a successful move lies in careful planning and execution. Here are some essential steps to ensure a smooth interstate move.  From contacting movers to negotiating contracts, these tips will help you with the transition.

Research and Contact Reliable Movers

The first step is start researching moving companies as early as possible. Look for movers that specialize in interstate moves, as they’ll be more familiar with the logistics and regulations involved. Utilize online reviews, ask for recommendations from friends or family. Finally, be sure to verify the company’s credentials through the Federal Motor Carrier Safety Administration (FMCSA). Ensure the company is licensed, insured, and has a U.S. Department of Transportation (USDOT) number.

Once you’ve shortlisted a few companies, request in-home or virtual estimates. This will provide a more accurate quote based on the volume of items to be moved. Beware of companies that offer lowball estimates, as they might add hidden charges later.

Negotiate and Finalize the Contract

Before signing a contract, thoroughly review all the details. The contract should outline the total cost, services included, & delivery timeline. Most importantly, any additional fees such as packing materials or handling specialty items needs to be detailed in the contract.

Don’t hesitate to negotiate the price. Ask if there are any discounts available, such as for flexible moving dates, military service, or AAA membership.  Prices will go up, but won’t ever go down, so negotiate ahead of the move.

Pay close attention to the type of estimate provided—whether it’s binding, non-binding, or binding-not-to-exceed. A binding estimate guarantees the final cost won’t exceed the quoted amount, which can provide peace of mind.

Additionally, ask about the company’s claims process in case of damage or loss during the move. Understanding this beforehand will save you time and frustration if issues arise. Read the fine print and be prepared just in case something unexpected happens during the trip.

Plan for a Smooth Moving Day

In the weeks leading up to the move, create a detailed moving checklist. This should include tasks such as updating your address with the post office, transferring utilities, and securing important documents. Declutter your home by selling, donating, or discarding items you no longer need. This can also reduce your moving costs quite a bit.

On moving day, have a bag packed with essentials like toiletries, medications, important documents, and a change of clothes. This ensures you have everything you need during transit, while waiting for your belongings to arrive at your new home.

Stay Organized and Communicate

Maintain clear communication with your movers. Confirm details like the arrival time, delivery window, and any special instructions for your belongings. Keep a copy of the contract and inventory list handy in case of discrepancies.

Finally, just being patient and positive with the moving company will help your stress level. Unexpected events can happen out of the ordinary, like weather or traffic which affect the movers’ timeline.

Moving to another state is a significant life event, but with proper preparation, it can be a stress-free experience. By researching, creating a detailed plan, and staying organized, you can ensure your move goes smoothly. This will allow you to focus on settling into your new home.

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Library Interview

Graphic with the words Libraries are for Everyone

When interviewing for a library job, asking insightful questions can demonstrate your interest in the role and help you gain a better understanding of the organization’s culture, expectations, and opportunities for growth. Here are three key questions to consider asking during your library job interview:

  1. What initiatives is the library currently undertaking to engage the community and promote literacy?

Libraries play a vital role in fostering community engagement and promoting literacy. By asking about the library’s current initiatives in these areas, you can gain insight into its commitment to serving the community. You can also determine their overriding educational and political goals. Pay attention to the interviewer’s response—are they enthusiastic about the library’s outreach efforts, or do they seem uncertain? Their answer can provide valuable information about the library’s priorities. It also signals how you can contribute to its mission (or not.)

  1. How does the library support professional development and continuing education for its staff?

Professional development is essential for staying current in the library field and advancing your career. By asking about opportunities for professional development and continuing education, you can demonstrate your commitment to growth and learning.

Listen for information about training programs, conferences, workshops, and other resources available to staff. Additionally, ask about mentorship opportunities and career advancement paths within the library. Understanding how the library supports staff development can help you assess whether it aligns with your own career goals and aspirations.

  1. What is the library’s approach to incorporating technology and digital resources into its services?

In today’s digital age, libraries are increasingly embracing technology and digital resources to enhance their services and meet the needs of patrons. By asking about the library’s approach to technology, you can gain insight into its readiness to adapt to changing trends and innovations in the field. You also will be able to detect funding issues that might arise. Budgets have always been an issue in every library I’ve every worked in.

Pay attention to how the interviewer discusses the library’s use of technology—are they proactive about integrating digital resources, or do they seem hesitant? Their answer can provide valuable information about the library’s vision for the future and how you can contribute to its technological initiatives.

Asking thoughtful questions during your library job interview can help you gain valuable insight into the organization’s culture, opportunities for professional development, and approach to technology. By demonstrating your interest and engagement, you can leave a positive impression on your interviewer.  You can also make an informed decision about whether the library is the right fit for you too.

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Selfcare for 2025

Sunflower from my garden this spring.
A bright sunflower growing in my front yard garden.

As 2025 begins, it’s an ideal time for selfceare that will help you lead a healthier, more balanced life. Rather than making drastic changes that might be hard to sustain, focus on small habits that can make a big impact over time. Here are some tips to start the new year off right with a focus on health and personal growth.

Prioritize Your Health

Good health is the foundation for a successful year. Begin by evaluating your current habits and identifying areas for improvement. Simple changes like eating more fruits and vegetables, drinking more water, and getting enough sleep can improve your well-being. Regular exercise is also essential; it doesn’t have to be intense. Activities like walking, yoga, or swimming can help keep you active while also being enjoyable and stress-free.

Engage in Stress-Free Activities

Managing stress is key to maintaining both mental and physical health. Start by incorporating mindfulness practices into your daily routine. Meditation, deep breathing exercises, or simply taking a few minutes each day to focus on your breath. These simple habits can help reduce stressand promote a sense of calm.

Additionally, consider hobbies that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it’s reading, painting, gardening, or playing an instrument, have some fun!  These activities provide a creative outlet and a break from the pressures of daily life. Spending time in nature is another great way to de-stress. Studies have shown that even a short walk in a park can reduce anxiety and boost your mood.

Focus on Personal Growth

The new year is a great time to set goals for personal development. Start by reflecting on the past year and identifying areas where you’d like to grow. This could be learning a new skill, improving your time management, or working on your emotional intelligence. Setting realistic, achievable goals is important; break them down into smaller steps to make them more manageable.

Reading is another powerful tool for personal growth. Choose books that inspire you, challenge your thinking, or teach you something new. Journaling is also a valuable practice.  Writing down your thoughts, goals, and reflections can help clarify your intentions and track your progress throughout the year.

Starting the new year off right doesn’t mean making drastic changes overnight. By focusing on your health, engaging in stress-free activities, and setting achievable goals for personal growth, you can create a foundation for a happier, healthier year ahead. Remember, progress is made through consistent, small steps, so be kind to yourself and enjoy the journey.

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Career Transitions

Have an agenda and your goals will be accomplished
Have a plan and keep refining for success.

Transitioning in your career can be both exciting and scary. Whether you’re seeking new challenges, better opportunities, or pursuing a passion, shifting careers requires thoughtful planning and strategic actions. From gaining the necessary education to building a strong network, here’s how to successfully navigate a career change.

Education and Skill Development

Education is often the first step in a career transition, especially if you’re moving into a completely new field. Start by assessing the skills you already have and identifying the gaps you need to fill. Research the skills required for your desired career and consider enrolling in relevant courses, certifications, or even degree programs. Online learning platforms offer flexibility, allowing you to upskill while maintaining your current job.

In some cases, you might not need formal education but rather specialized training or workshops that offer practical, hands-on experience. Look for opportunities to gain experience through internships, volunteering, or part-time work in your new field. This not only enhances your resume but also gives you a taste of what the job entails, helping you determine if it’s the right fit.

 Networking

Networking is crucial when transitioning careers. Building relationships with professionals in your target industry can open doors to opportunities that aren’t advertised. Start by attending industry events, seminars, and webinars where you can meet and learn from others in the field. LinkedIn is also a powerful tool for networking. You need to connect with individuals in your desired industry, join relevant groups, and participate in discussions to establish yourself. It’s scary at first, but take it from me you meet so many good people via LinkedIn.

Informational interviews are another valuable resource. Reach out to professionals in your target industry to learn more about their career paths, challenges, and the skills required. These conversations can provide insights and guidance that are invaluable during a career transition.

Embracing a Total Career Change

A complete career change can be intimidating, but with careful planning, it’s achievable. Start by doing a self-assessment to understand your motivations for the change. Identify what you’re passionate about, what skills you excel in, and how these can be applied to a new field. This self-awareness is crucial in making informed decisions about your next steps.

Once you’ve identified your new career path, begin laying the groundwork. Update your resume to highlight transferable skills and any relevant experience. Consider creating a portfolio that showcases your work, particularly if you’re moving into a creative or technical field. Tailor your cover letters and applications to reflect your enthusiasm for the new field and your readiness to contribute.

Taking the Leap

Finally, transitioning in your career requires courage and resilience. It’s important to set realistic expectations and be prepared for challenges along the way. Consider taking small steps towards your goal, such as starting in a related role before fully transitioning, to ease the process.

Remember, career transitions are a journey. By investing in education, expanding your network, and embracing change, you can successfully navigate the path to a new career. Keep an open mind, stay patient, and trust in your ability to adapt and grow.  You’ve got this!

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Career Wisdom

Leadership written in blue and hand writing the word visible.

As you progress in your career you pick up morsels of wisdom. Recently I found a post by a former journalist and leader that I enjoyed reading.  Here are few “bite-size” morsels to help you navigate your career.

Harvey Mackay is a self-made business person and wise mentor sharing his experience.

For example, he was quoted, “Don’t just mark time; use time to make your mark.” I liken Harvey’s wisdom to that of James Clear’s career advice.  Clear is known for his best-selling book, “Atomic Habits” and routinely speaks at Fortune 500 gatherings and keynotes.

The times and mode of communication have changed. James’ profile on LinkedIn has thousands of followers. Harvey was syndicated in national newspapers for years. However, the common sense habits and “grit” needed to succeed, then and now, are the same.

Another bit of “Harvey wisdom,” reads like something out of Clear’s current playbook. “Technology should improve your life, not become your life.”  Compared to James Clear’s recent quote:

 “Simple ways to have a peaceful moment:

-Close your eyes and just breathe for two minutes.

-Leave your phone in another room for an hour…”

So, my point is wisdom comes in all forms and changes slightly over time. But really, your experiences shape the person you want to be and will become. Kindness, consistency, and putting the work in will result in rewards.  Rewards of goals achieved, dreams realized, and what success looks like for you.

Life is full of mishaps, fun, and opportunities. Be ready for what comes your way. As Harvey stated, “How people play the game shows something of their character. How they lose shows all of it.”  Food for thought…

For more career advice check out: KathyHusserTempe.com

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It’s Not You

Yellowstone Lake - Nature is rejuvenating
Wishing you calm and happiness this season

After reading Dr. Ramani Durvasula’s new book, “It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People,” I had to share. This book is life affirming if you need to understand why “bad things” happen to you and motivators of narcissists. Dr. Durvasula also provides extensive strategies for healing and dealing with these highly manipulative and vengeful people.

Who Are They? 

We don’t know why people act the way they do to hurt others. It’s a diagnosed personality disorder that is finally getting the attention it needs. The definition of a narcissistic goes beyond just wanting their way all the time or being powerful.  It’s about people you have in your life, that abuse and shift blame by gaslighting, manipulating, and lying without remorse.

“Nothing is ever their responsibility or their fault because for a narcissistic person to take responsibility or accept blame means having to accept that they are accountable and imperfect.”

There are varying levels of abusive behaviors outlined, some classified as “malignant narcissists.”

They malign people publicly, or harm their reputations. They are highly manipulative, transactional, and judge everyone based on how useful they are – whether for power, profits, pleasure, or validation. In the simplest framing, the malignant narcissist is a bully, mean and menacing…”

You will recognize the examples used in your own family or workplace relationships. You will also understand how often these behaviors happen and go unchecked in society. The focus is never really on the narcissistic, but more on the actions of the victims being abused.  Almost as if the victim has something wrong with them, despite the facts not adding up from narcissist’s manipulated account.

How Does It Happen?

If you are in an abusive relationship, the obvious answer is to leave. But it’s not always that simple. Dr. Durvasula provides examples where it’s just not possible to leave a job, marriage or other important relationship despite abuse. The victim talks themselves out of it, thinks THEY are the reason that these “bad things” are happening.

Victims routinely believe the manufactured and false narratives about what is taking place due to other silent and compliant people.  It boils down to trust. When those closest to you break that trust and know what’s really going on but do nothing, that’s your truth.

“In other words, narcissistic people make you feel small so they can feel safe.” 

These narcissists get something from their victims while “love bombing,” charming them, and prioritizing the relationship.  When the victim realizes what is actually going on and sets boundaries and reveals the truth, all hell breaks loose.  

“Hell, really hath no fury like a narcissist scorned. Their vindictive behavior may range from spreading damaging workplace gossip” to other more harmful and life threating outcomes.

Be warned, that stalking and public humiliation of their victims is quite commonplace for these individuals. Their tactics escalate when their victims pull away or start understanding the truth about past events. 

How to Protect Yourself 

There are many strategies discussed in the book to combat DARVO, or the common methods narcissists use.  (That’s a very useful chapter.) You should also try to distance yourself spiritually or physically from your abuser(s.) If you must stay in a relationship for work or family reasons, sound strategies are provided. These will help you heal and learn to deal with these negative people. As the author states, you will be better informed the next time you come across these individuals. And you most definitely will!

The healing that takes place when you know you’re not the crazy one is incredible. Narcissist behaviors happen daily to so many of us, but now you have a voice…an authentic voice.