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It’s Not You

After reading Dr. Ramani Durvasula’s new book, “It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People,” I had to share. This book is life affirming if you need to understand why “bad things” happen to you and motivators of narcissists. Dr. Durvasula also provides extensive strategies for healing and dealing with these highly manipulative and vengeful people.

Who Are They? 

We don’t know why people act the way they do to hurt others. It’s a diagnosed personality disorder that is finally getting the attention it needs. The definition of a narcissistic goes beyond just wanting their way all the time or being powerful.  It’s about people you have in your life, that abuse and shift blame by gaslighting, manipulating, and lying without remorse.

“Nothing is ever their responsibility or their fault because for a narcissistic person to take responsibility or accept blame means having to accept that they are accountable and imperfect.”

There are varying levels of abusive behaviors outlined, some classified as “malignant narcissists.”

They malign people publicly, or harm their reputations. They are highly manipulative, transactional, and judge everyone based on how useful they are – whether for power, profits, pleasure, or validation. In the simplest framing, the malignant narcissist is a bully, mean and menacing…”

You will recognize the examples used in your own family or workplace relationships. You will also understand how often these behaviors happen and go unchecked in society. The focus is never really on the narcissistic, but more on the actions of the victims being abused.  Almost as if the victim has something wrong with them, despite the facts not adding up from narcissist’s manipulated account.

How Does It Happen?

If you are in an abusive relationship, the obvious answer is to leave. But it’s not always that simple. Dr. Durvasula provides examples where it’s just not possible to leave a job, marriage or other important relationship despite abuse. The victim talks themselves out of it, thinks THEY are the reason that these “bad things” are happening.

Victims routinely believe the manufactured and false narratives about what is taking place due to other silent and compliant people.  It boils down to trust. When those closest to you break that trust and know what’s really going on but do nothing, that’s your truth.

“In other words, narcissistic people make you feel small so they can feel safe.” 

These narcissists get something from their victims while “love bombing,” charming them, and prioritizing the relationship.  When the victim realizes what is actually going on and sets boundaries and reveals the truth, all hell breaks loose.  

“Hell, really hath no fury like a narcissist scorned. Their vindictive behavior may range from spreading damaging workplace gossip” to other more harmful and life threating outcomes.

Be warned, that stalking and public humiliation of their victims is quite commonplace for these individuals. Their tactics escalate when their victims pull away or start understanding the truth about past events. 

How to Protect Yourself 

There are many strategies discussed in the book to combat DARVO, or the common methods narcissists use.  (That’s a very useful chapter.) You should also try to distance yourself spiritually or physically from your abuser(s.) If you must stay in a relationship for work or family reasons, sound strategies are provided. These will help you heal and learn to deal with these negative people. As the author states, you will be better informed the next time you come across these individuals. And you most definitely will!

The healing that takes place when you know you’re not the crazy one is incredible. Narcissist behaviors happen daily to so many of us, but now you have a voice…an authentic voice.

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Halloween 2024

Halloween is just a few days away.  Planning the perfect costume that is safe, non-political, and easy to pull together can be a challenge in 2024 Fear not! Here are four suggestions that will spark your imagination for a memorable Halloween for all.

Classic Costumes

You can never go wrong with a simple ghost, zombie, or witch this Halloween. Even a retro T-shirt with a Halloween saying is an easy way to have fun and stay in the Halloween spirit.

Mythical Creatures

Embrace the magic of legends by dressing up as a mythical creature. From fairies and unicorns to dragons and mermaids, the options are endless. Tap into your imagination and create a costume that brings these creatures to life. You can use colorful fabrics, sparkly accessories, and face paint to enhance the fantastical elements.

Let your creativity soar as you craft wings for a fairy or design scales for a mermaid. These fun costumes are sure to inspire you to add your own creative touches. The popularity of these TV series are perfect for all ages.

Book Characters

Pay tribute to the beloved characters from your favorite books by bringing them to life this Halloween. Whether it’s Cinderella, Harry Potter, or the mischievous Cat in the Hat. These literary icons offer a world of possibilities for creative costumes.

Browse your local thrift stores or search your own closet for clothing items that resemble the characters’ signature styles. Add some key accessories, such as Cinderella’s shiny heels or Harry Potter’s round glasses, to complete the look. Not only will you celebrate your love for books, but you’ll inspire others to dive into the world of reading.

Taylor and Travis

Yes, our perfect couple is still very popular for Halloween this year. Why not mix-up the best of both football and music? Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift “look a likes” would make a perfect Halloween couple’s costume.  Athletics and pop music blend seamlessly and talk about easy costumes to gather. A Kansas City football jersey and some “Swiftie” swag and you are both set for Halloween!  You could also add those personal touches of hair color, beard, microphone, and #13 for effect.  Have fun this year with our most watched couple of 2024.

Choosing a safe, non-political, and easy-to-pull-together Halloween costume may seem like a challenge. But, these suggestions provide a perfect starting point. Whether you opt for a classic Halloween character, pop icons, or a beloved book character, the key is creativity people!

Remember, safety should always come first.  Also ensure your costume is comfortable, allows for easy movement, and doesn’t block your vision. And don’t forget to add your own personal flair and unique touches to make the costume truly yours.

As Halloween approaches, let your imagination run wild and create a costume that brings joy to those around you. Whether you’re trick-or-treating, attending a party, or simply celebrating at home, these ideas will help.

Keeping the focus on the fun and festive spirit of Halloween is the main point.  So, unleash your inner creative spirit, gather your materials, and get ready for a Halloween filled with magic!

Check out my website for more ideas: KathyHusserTempe.com

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Weekend in New York

 

Looking for a holiday getaway or a quick trip in January?  A weekend in New York City might fill the bill as long as you dress warm!

Flights

To maximize our budget think about flying into a smaller neighboring airport such as Newark in New Jersey.  Even Long Island Airport in Islip is doable with the train station so close.  Planning your flight midweek or even on a Thursday will help with airfare and might be less crowded.

But even these days, my flights this year have all been full. Be prepared to have extra time checking in at TSA or think about signing up for Pre-Check or Clear to make security lines less of a hassle. (Some credit cards will also reimburse you for these and other services, so check with your card company.)

Sights of NYC

Be sure to secure your hotel or VRBO near a subway or train line. NYC’s mass transit system is one of the best in the United States.  Being within walking distance of Times Square, Central Park, and museums are the best “home bases” for your trip.

Plan your visits along the subway line so you don’t miss out on winter activities in New York. Ice skating at Rockefeller Center and the NYC Rockettes usually have audiences through January.  Don’t forget the standards such as The Metropolitan Museum or Museum of Modern Art for your art and history lovers. Lines might be long at MoMA, so check the website for hours and special events. At night with the Christmas lights is also a site to see and enjoy this time of year.

Food

Dining options are everywhere in New York. From fast food pizza to fine dining, you will have your pick for any budget. If you’re only in NYC for the weekend, maybe one or two “nice” dinners at an Italian eatery.

Then the next day, think about grabbing breakfast (some are still free) at your hotel or café to people watch. Asking the locals (at your activities) is one of the best ways to get reliable local restaurant and eatery recommendations.

Remember to be flexible with your travel companion and plans in general. You might want to think about extending a work trip to enjoy the sights. More people than ever are traveling and patience is needed to navigate trips these days.

Just enjoy the memories, photos, and last-minute trip flying off to New York.  Travel is the best way to experience new places, people, and cultures…so enjoy!

For more travel inspiration check out: KathyHusserTempe.com

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Strategies for Work

 

As we navigate work, the landscape of career development continues to evolve at a rapid pace. With technological advancements, shifting job markets, and the rise of remote work, professionals must be more strategic and adaptable than ever. Here are key strategies and habits to effectively navigate your career goals this year.

Lifelong Learning

The importance of continuous learning cannot be overstated. With industries rapidly changing, staying updated with the latest skills and knowledge is crucial. Enroll in online courses, attend workshops, and pursue certifications relevant to your field. Lifelong learning not only keeps you competitive but also opens up new opportunities for career advancement.

Technology is Vital

Technology is a driving force in the modern workplace. Familiarize yourself with digital tools and platforms that can enhance your productivity and efficiency. From project management software to data analysis tools, being tech-savvy can give you a significant edge.

Additionally, building a strong online presence through LinkedIn and other professional networks can help you connect with industry leaders and potential employers.

Adapt to Hybrid Work

The shift to remote and hybrid work models is here to stay. Develop strong self-discipline, time management, and communication skills to thrive in these environments.

Create a dedicated workspace and establish a routine that fosters productivity. Being adaptable and comfortable with virtual collaboration tools is essential for success in a remote or hybrid setup.

Network

Networking remains a critical component of career development. Attend industry conferences, join professional associations, and participate in online forums. Networking helps you stay informed about industry trends, gain insights from peers, and discover job opportunities. Building a diverse professional network can provide support and guidance throughout your career journey.

Set Clear Goals

Define your career goals with clarity. Whether aiming for a promotion or starting your own business, setting specific measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART) goals is essential. Break down your long-term goals into smaller, manageable steps and track your progress regularly.

Seek Coaching

Mentors and career coaches can provide valuable guidance and support. They can help you navigate challenges, identify strengths and weaknesses, and develop a clear career path. Don’t hesitate to seek advice from experienced professionals who can offer insights based on their own career journeys.

Navigating career goals requires an adaptive mindset. By embracing lifelong learning, leveraging technology, networking actively, setting clear goals, and seeking mentorship, you can succeed at a new job. Change will enable you to achieve your career goals and thrive in an ever-evolving world.

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Communication Styles

Understanding communication styles within your team is crucial when starting a new project or job. Effective communication is the backbone of successful teamwork and can impact the outcome of any collaborative effort. By recognizing and adapting to different styles, team members can improve their interactions, reduce misunderstandings, and foster a pleasant working environment.

Communication Styles Vary Widely

Communication styles can vary widely among individuals. Some people are direct and assertive, while others may be more reserved and indirect. There are those who prefer detailed and structured communication, and those who are more flexible and informal. Understanding these differences is the first step towards effective communication.

Affect Team Dynamics

Diverse communication styles can either be a source of strength or conflict within a team. When team members understand and respect each other’s communication preferences, it leads to smoother interactions and better collaboration. On the other hand, ignoring these differences can result in miscommunication, frustration, and decreased productivity.

Building Trust and Rapport

Trust and rapport are essential components of a successful team. When team members feel understood and respected, they are more likely to open up and share their ideas and concerns. By adapting to different communication styles, team leaders can build trust and rapport more effectively, creating a positive and inclusive team culture.

Being clear ensures that everyone is on the same page and understands their roles and responsibilities. Misunderstandings can lead to mistakes, missed deadlines, and conflicts. By tailoring communication to suit the audience, team members can ensure that their messages are received and understood correctly.

Inclusivity and Collaboration

Inclusive communication practices help create an environment where everyone feels valued and heard. Recognizing and respecting different communication styles promotes inclusivity and encourages team members to contribute their unique perspectives and ideas. This collaborative approach can lead to more innovative solutions and better project outcomes.

Practical Strategies

To understand and adapt to different communication styles, consider the following strategies:
Active Listening: Pay attention to what others are saying and show genuine interest in their viewpoints.
Ask Questions:   Clarify any uncertainties by asking open-ended questions.
Be Flexible:  Adjust your communication style to match the preferences of your team members.
Provide Feedback: Give constructive feedback in a way that aligns with the recipient’s communication style.

Use Multiple Channels: Utilize various communication channels (IE: emails, meetings, instant messaging) to accommodate different preferences.

Understanding communication styles within your team is fundamental when starting a new project or job. By recognizing and adapting to these differences, team members can enhance their interactions, build trust, and foster a more collaborative and productive working environment. Effective communication is not just about conveying information; it’s about connecting with others in a way that is meaningful.

For more career tips check out: KathyHusserTempe.com

 

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Interviewing and Soft Skills

In today’s job market, having the technical skills and qualifications is no longer enough to secure employment. Increasingly, employers are placing greater emphasis on soft skills and emotional intelligence during the interview process. Interpersonal skills not only shape how individuals interact with others but also play a role in their success at work.

Why So Valuable

Soft skills include a wide range of traits, including communication, teamwork, problem-solving, adaptability, and time management. While technical skills may vary from one job to another, soft skills are universally valued across all industries and professions. Employers recognize that candidates who possess strong soft skills are better equipped to collaborate with colleagues. They are also able to resolve conflicts and navigate the complexities of the modern workplace.

How Are Soft Skills Evaluated?

During the interview process, employers assess candidates’ soft skills through a variety of methods. This includes behavioral questions, situational scenarios, and role-playing exercises. By evaluating candidates’ responses and observing their demeanor, interviewers can gauge their level of emotional intelligence. Your interpersonal competence is actually a decent indicator of how well you will handle certain difficult situations.

EQ

Emotional intelligence, often referred to as EQ, is another essential aspect of success in the workplace. It encompasses self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and social skills. Workers with high emotional intelligence are better able to understand and manage their own emotions. They can also communicate effectively with others and will build positive relationships in the workplace.

Employers value emotional intelligence because it fosters a supportive and collaborative work environment. It also enhances leadership effectiveness and improves employee morale and engagement. Additionally, individuals with high emotional intelligence are better equipped to handle stress, navigate change, and adapt to new challenges, These employees are invaluable assets to any organization and should be developed into leaders for the future.

Interviewing and Storytelling

During the interview process, candidates can demonstrate their soft skills and emotional intelligence by providing specific examples. While interviewing tell your story and how you solved a difficult situation. By sharing examples of collaboration, problem-solving, and effective communication, candidates can showcase their interpersonal strengths. These will highlight your ability to contribute positively to the organization and your new team.

Soft skills and emotional intelligence cannot be overstated in today’s job market. Employers recognize that candidates who possess strong interpersonal qualities are better equipped to succeed in the workplace and make meaningful contributions. By emphasizing soft skills and emotional intelligence during the interview process, candidates can differentiate themselves from the competition. Best of luck and tell your story!

 

For more career advice check out: KathyHusserTempe.com

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Canada This Fall

Visiting Canada this fall offers an extraordinary blend of vibrant foliage, crisp air, and a variety of activities in the country. Whether you’re a nature lover or just looking for a cultural getaway, Canada in the fall has something for everyone. Here’s a guide to the top provinces to visit, along with must-see sights and activities.

Quebec: Fall Foliage

Quebec is a prime destination for fall foliage. The Laurentian Mountains, just north of Montreal, offer breathtaking vistas of autumn leaves. Mont-Tremblant National Park is particularly popular for its hiking trails and panoramic views.

In Quebec City, the historic old town, with its cobblestone streets and European charm, is especially beautiful in the fall. Don’t miss the Plains of Abraham and Montmorency Falls, which provide stunning backdrops for autumn colors.

Ontario: Urban Landscapes to Natural Wonders

Ontario’s fall foliage is legendary, especially in Algonquin Provincial Park, where you can hike, canoe, and camp amidst a sea of red, orange, and yellow leaves. For a mix of urban and natural experiences, visit Toronto and take a day trip to the Niagara region.

The Niagara Parkway, often called one of the prettiest drives in the world, is spectacular in the fall. Also, explore the Bruce Peninsula and its rugged landscapes and clear waters.

British Columbia: Coastal Beauty

In British Columbia, the fall season offers a unique combination of coastal and mountainous beauty. Vancouver’s Stanley Park, with its seawall and towering trees, is a must-see.

Head to Whistler for world-class hiking and mountain biking against a vibrant backdrop of fall leaves. Vancouver Island, particularly around Victoria and the Cowichan Valley, showcases stunning autumn scenery with a milder climate. Butchart Gardens in Victoria is worth the visit, to see native plants and flowers during the season.

Nova Scotia: Scenic Drives

Nova Scotia’s Cabot Trail is often cited as one of the most beautiful drives in the world, especially in fall. This scenic highway loops around the northern tip of Cape Breton Island, offering breathtaking coastal views and endless autumn colors.

Halifax, with its rich maritime history and lively waterfront, is another great spot to explore. Don’t miss the picturesque towns of Lunenburg and Annapolis Royal.

Alberta: Majestic Mountains

In Alberta, the Canadian Rockies provide a stunning backdrop for fall adventures. Banff and Jasper National Parks are renowned for their dramatic landscapes and diverse wildlife. The Icefields Parkway, connecting Banff and Jasper, offers unparalleled views of mountains, glaciers, and vibrant fall colors.

Lake Louise, with its turquoise waters is a go to destination for many during the busier summer months. Banff is a must see on my travel list for the year.

This fall why not try Canada and its lovely scenery for your fall foliage fix! Happy travels.

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Back to School

As summer draws to a close, the familiar routine of back to school calls. Whether you’re returning to elementary, high school, or college, being fully prepared is important for a successful year. But what does it mean to be prepared? It’s not just about having the right tablet or laptop; it’s also about being mentally, physically, and emotionally ready.

Mentally Prepared

Being mentally prepared is like training before a race—it’s the foundation upon which all other preparations rest. Mental readiness means a positive attitude, clear goals, and effective time management skills. When you approach the school year with a growth mindset, you’re better equipped to handle demands, setbacks, and deadlines.

Cultivating resilience and adaptability allows you to navigate any obstacles that may arise, turning them into opportunities for growth.

Physical Preparedness

Just as a well-tuned engine powers a car, physical preparedness fuels your body and mind for the educational journey ahead. This includes getting enough sleep, maintaining a balanced diet, and staying physically active. Adequate sleep is vital, as it enhances cognitive function, your memory, and mood regulation.

These are essential for effective learning. Similarly, nourishing your body with nutritious foods and staying hydrated provide the energy needed to excel in the classroom. Regular exercise not only boosts physical health but also improves mental clarity and reduces stress. This is setting the stage for your academic success.

Emotional Support

Emotional preparedness involves resilience and building a support network to weather the highs and lows of the school year. Acknowledge and validate your feelings, whether they’re excitement, anxiety, or uncertainty. Seek out supportive friends, family members, or mentors who can offer guidance and encouragement.

Developing healthy coping skills, such as mindfulness or journaling, can also help manage stress and promote emotional well-being. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help when you need it, and taking care of your mental health is just as important as your academic achievements.

Start the new school year off right by keeping your mind and body in tip top shape this year.

For more living well tips check out: KathyHusserTempe.com

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Labor Day’s History

Labor Day, celebrated on the first Monday of September, marks a key moment in American history. It’s not just the unofficial end of summer. This federal holiday honors the contributions of workers and the labor movement. This holiday symbolizing the economic and social achievements of American labor. The start of Labor Day can be traced to the 19th century, a time marked by industrialization and labor unrest.

Birth of Labor Day

The origins of Labor Day are rooted in the labor movement’s fight for fair working conditions during the late 1800s. During this time, workers faced grueling hours, unsafe working environments, and minimal pay. Labor unions began to form, supporting workers’ rights and organizing strikes and rallies to demand better conditions.

The first Labor Day parade took place on September 5, 1882, in New York City. Thousands of workers marched from City Hall to Union Square, carrying banners and flags to demonstrate solidarity. This event, seen as a great success, inspired unions across the country for a national holiday honoring all workers.

Federal Recognition
The push for a national holiday gained momentum, and states began to recognize Labor Day. Oregon was the first state to declare it an official holiday in 1887. Following Oregon’s lead, Colorado, Massachusetts, New Jersey, and New York also adopted the holiday.

The federal government officially recognized Labor Day in 1894, following a significant labor conflict known as the Pullman Strike. The strike involved workers from the Pullman Company, a railroad car manufacturer. The workers from this company protested wage cuts and high rents in company-owned housing.

The strike worsened, leading to nationwide railroad disruptions and violent clashes between workers and federal troops. In the aftermath, and as a peacemaking gesture toward the movement, President Cleveland signed legislation making Labor Day a holiday.

Modern Celebrations
Over time, Labor Day has evolved from its roots as a day of labor protest and activism to a broader celebration Today, it signifies the unofficial end of summer, marked by parades, barbecues, and family gatherings. However, its historical significance remains a reminder of the struggles and achievements of the American labor movement.

Labor Day also serves as a time to reflect on the ongoing challenges faced by workers. Issues such as fair wages, safe working conditions, and workers’ rights. Labor Day in the United States is a testament to the resilience and determination of the labor movement. From its origins in the late 19th century, it remains a powerful symbol of workers’ contributions to the nation’s progress.

For more living well articles check out: KathyHusserTempe.com

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Disney Paris

Nestled just outside the vibrant city of Paris, Disneyland Paris offers a magical escape for visitors of all ages. From enchanting fairy tale castles to thrilling roller coasters, the resort brings the beloved magic of Disney to life. With Paris as the backdrop of Europe’s most romantic city, this resort offers a most unique experience. Whether you’re a seasoned Disney fan or a first-time visitor, here’s everything you need to know about Disneyland Paris.

Two Disney Parks

Photo by Brian McGowan on Unsplash

Disneyland Paris consists of two theme parks: Disneyland Park and Walt Disney Studios Park. Disneyland Park, the resort’s flagship park, is divided into five themed lands: Main Street, U.S.A., Fantasyland, Adventureland, Frontierland, and Discoveryland. Here, you can explore iconic attractions such as Sleeping Beauty Castle or ride on classics like Space Mountain: Mission 2. You can even meet favorite Disney characters throughout the park.

Walt Disney Studios Park offers a behind-the-scenes look at the magic of filmmaking with attractions inspired by Disney and Pixar. You can enjoy thrill-seeking rides like The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror and Remy’s Ratatouille Adventure. In addition, to live interactive shows for everyone to experience at this movie-themed park.

Parades, Fireworks, and Food

Photo by Vinayak Sharma on Unsplash

Disneyland Paris has lots of entertainment options, including parades, fireworks shows, and live performances featuring your favorite Disney characters. Don’t miss the nighttime spectacular Disney Illuminations. This show lights up the sky with dazzling fireworks, projections, and special effects set to beloved Disney songs and stories. A show very familiar to Disneyland regulars!

The Paris park also offers a variety of dining options to satisfy every taste and budget. From quick-service eateries serving classic themed food to restaurants offering dining experiences, there’s no shortage of cuisine to enjoy resort-wide. Be sure to make reservations in advance for popular dining locations and character dining experiences to avoid long wait times.

Themed Hotels

Finally, Disneyland Paris features several themed resort hotels where you can stay and immerse yourself in the magic 24/7. From the luxurious Disneyland Hotel overlooking Sleeping Beauty Castle to the family-friendly Hotel Cheyenne, there’s accommodations to meet every budget. Plus, staying at a Disney hotel offers perks such as early access to the parks, complimentary transportation, and character meet-and-greets.

When exploring the theme parks, be sure to set aside time to explore the nearby city of Paris and its world-famous landmarks. Just a short train ride away, downtown Paris hosts iconic attractions such as the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre Museum. Take a leisurely stroll along the Seine River or savor delicious French food at sidewalk cafe. While in Paris, immerse yourself in the city’s rich history and culture.

Visiting Disneyland Paris is a magical adventure that promises fun, excitement, and unforgettable memories for the whole family. With its enchanting theme parks, world-class entertainment, and convenient location near Paris, the resort offers the perfect blend of Disney magic and European charm. So, pack your bags, bring your Mickey ears, and get ready to experience the magic of Disneyland Paris!