Tag: mental health

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It’s Not You

Yellowstone Lake - Nature is rejuvenating
Wishing you calm and happiness this season

After reading Dr. Ramani Durvasula’s new book, “It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People,” I had to share. This book is life affirming if you need to understand why “bad things” happen to you and motivators of narcissists. Dr. Durvasula also provides extensive strategies for healing and dealing with these highly manipulative and vengeful people.

Who Are They? 

We don’t know why people act the way they do to hurt others. It’s a diagnosed personality disorder that is finally getting the attention it needs. The definition of a narcissistic goes beyond just wanting their way all the time or being powerful.  It’s about people you have in your life, that abuse and shift blame by gaslighting, manipulating, and lying without remorse.

“Nothing is ever their responsibility or their fault because for a narcissistic person to take responsibility or accept blame means having to accept that they are accountable and imperfect.”

There are varying levels of abusive behaviors outlined, some classified as “malignant narcissists.”

They malign people publicly, or harm their reputations. They are highly manipulative, transactional, and judge everyone based on how useful they are – whether for power, profits, pleasure, or validation. In the simplest framing, the malignant narcissist is a bully, mean and menacing…”

You will recognize the examples used in your own family or workplace relationships. You will also understand how often these behaviors happen and go unchecked in society. The focus is never really on the narcissistic, but more on the actions of the victims being abused.  Almost as if the victim has something wrong with them, despite the facts not adding up from narcissist’s manipulated account.

How Does It Happen?

If you are in an abusive relationship, the obvious answer is to leave. But it’s not always that simple. Dr. Durvasula provides examples where it’s just not possible to leave a job, marriage or other important relationship despite abuse. The victim talks themselves out of it, thinks THEY are the reason that these “bad things” are happening.

Victims routinely believe the manufactured and false narratives about what is taking place due to other silent and compliant people.  It boils down to trust. When those closest to you break that trust and know what’s really going on but do nothing, that’s your truth.

“In other words, narcissistic people make you feel small so they can feel safe.” 

These narcissists get something from their victims while “love bombing,” charming them, and prioritizing the relationship.  When the victim realizes what is actually going on and sets boundaries and reveals the truth, all hell breaks loose.  

“Hell, really hath no fury like a narcissist scorned. Their vindictive behavior may range from spreading damaging workplace gossip” to other more harmful and life threating outcomes.

Be warned, that stalking and public humiliation of their victims is quite commonplace for these individuals. Their tactics escalate when their victims pull away or start understanding the truth about past events. 

How to Protect Yourself 

There are many strategies discussed in the book to combat DARVO, or the common methods narcissists use.  (That’s a very useful chapter.) You should also try to distance yourself spiritually or physically from your abuser(s.) If you must stay in a relationship for work or family reasons, sound strategies are provided. These will help you heal and learn to deal with these negative people. As the author states, you will be better informed the next time you come across these individuals. And you most definitely will!

The healing that takes place when you know you’re not the crazy one is incredible. Narcissist behaviors happen daily to so many of us, but now you have a voice…an authentic voice.

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Back to School

Graphic with the words Libraries are for Everyone

As summer draws to a close, the familiar routine of back to school calls. Whether you’re returning to elementary, high school, or college, being fully prepared is important for a successful year. But what does it mean to be prepared? It’s not just about having the right tablet or laptop; it’s also about being mentally, physically, and emotionally ready.

Mentally Prepared

Being mentally prepared is like training before a race—it’s the foundation upon which all other preparations rest. Mental readiness means a positive attitude, clear goals, and effective time management skills. When you approach the school year with a growth mindset, you’re better equipped to handle demands, setbacks, and deadlines.

Cultivating resilience and adaptability allows you to navigate any obstacles that may arise, turning them into opportunities for growth.

Physical Preparedness

Just as a well-tuned engine powers a car, physical preparedness fuels your body and mind for the educational journey ahead. This includes getting enough sleep, maintaining a balanced diet, and staying physically active. Adequate sleep is vital, as it enhances cognitive function, your memory, and mood regulation.

These are essential for effective learning. Similarly, nourishing your body with nutritious foods and staying hydrated provide the energy needed to excel in the classroom. Regular exercise not only boosts physical health but also improves mental clarity and reduces stress. This is setting the stage for your academic success.

Emotional Support

Emotional preparedness involves resilience and building a support network to weather the highs and lows of the school year. Acknowledge and validate your feelings, whether they’re excitement, anxiety, or uncertainty. Seek out supportive friends, family members, or mentors who can offer guidance and encouragement.

Developing healthy coping skills, such as mindfulness or journaling, can also help manage stress and promote emotional well-being. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help when you need it, and taking care of your mental health is just as important as your academic achievements.

Start the new school year off right by keeping your mind and body in tip top shape this year.

For more living well tips check out: KathyHusserTempe.com

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Adding a Pet

Tan and black French Bulldog with red harness
Get a pet to provide a stress free work environment.

 

Adding a pet to your family is a decision that extends beyond the joy of having a furry friend. The benefits are multifaceted, contributing to the overall well-being and dynamics of your household. Here are the top three reasons why having a pet can be a transformative and rewarding experience for your family.

Unconditional Love and Companionship

One of the most profound reasons to welcome a pet into your family is the unconditional love they offer. Pets, whether dogs, cats, or smaller critters, form deep emotional bonds with their human family members. Their loyalty and affectionate nature create a unique connection that can be a source of comfort and support. The simple joy of coming home to a wagging tail or a purring cat creates a warm and loving atmosphere. Pets foster a sense of belonging and camaraderie within the family.

Promoting Physical and Mental Health

The presence of a pet in the family has been linked to various health benefits for both adults and children. Regular physical activity is a natural outcome of pet ownership, as daily walks and playtime become part of the routine. This contributes to improved cardiovascular health, reduced stress levels, and a more active lifestyle. Moreover, interacting with pets has been shown to lower blood pressure and release endorphins, promoting a positive mood. For children, growing up with pets can instill a sense of responsibility and compassion, enhancing their social and emotional development.

Strengthening Family Bonds and Responsibility

The shared responsibility of caring for a pet fosters teamwork within the family. From feeding and grooming to playtime, each family member plays a role in the well-being of the furry family member. This shared responsibility strengthens communication, cooperation, and a sense of unity. Children, in particular, learn valuable life skills such as empathy, patience, and commitment through their interactions with pets. The shared experiences of caring for a pet create traditions that contribute to a sense of family identity and connection.

Bonus Tip: Tailoring to Your Family’s Lifestyle

When choosing a pet, consider your family’s lifestyle, living space, and preferences. Different pets have varying needs and temperaments, so selecting one that aligns with your family’s dynamics ensures a harmonious and enjoyable relationship.

The decision to have a pet is not just about introducing a new member to the family; it’s about embracing a lifestyle that nurtures love, health, and unity. The unconditional companionship, health benefits, and strengthening of family bonds make having a pet a rewarding and enriching experience. Whether it’s a playful pup, a graceful feline, or a small, scaly friend, the presence of a pet can bring immeasurable joy and positive energy to your family’s daily life.

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Caring for Parents

Yellowstone Lake - Nature is rejuvenating
Wishing you calm and happiness this season

As our parents age, the question of when to transition them into assisted living becomes a delicate, personal decision. This choice is often intertwined with emotions, practical considerations, and the desire to ensure the well-being of aging parents. Here are three important factors to consider when caring for your parents and making this decision.

Assessing Health and Safety Needs

The primary concern in determining the need for assisted living is the health and safety of aging parents. Evaluate their ability to perform daily activities independently, such as bathing, dressing, and managing medications. If there are signs of declining health, increased frailty, or a higher risk of accidents, assisted living may provide the answer.

Look for indicators such as frequent falls, forgetfulness, or difficulties managing household tasks. Engage in open communication with healthcare professionals to gain insights into your parents’ current and potential future needs. Assessing their physical and mental well-being serves as a foundation for making an informed decision about the level of care.

Social and Emotional Well-being

Isolation and loneliness can significantly impact the overall well-being of seniors. I know first-hand, how a lonely parent’s health can decline rapidly. If your parents are experiencing a lack of social interaction, assisted living communities can offer a supportive environment for engagement. Consider the emotional aspects of their current living situation, and evaluate whether assisted living will be a more socially connected lifestyle.

Family dynamics also play a role in this decision. Assess the availability of family members to provide support.  Recognizing that the emotional well-being of both aging parents and their caregivers is important and impacts the entire family.

Financial Impact

The financial impact of assisted living is a huge consideration. Explore the costs associated with various assisted living options. You must factor in services, amenities, and potential future healthcare needs. Consult with financial advisors to understand the long-term implications and available resources.  You don’t realize how expensive adult care facilities are especially as the level of care rises through the years.

Additionally, assess the practicality of managing the current living situation. If the maintenance of a home becomes challenging, assisted living may offer a more practical solution. Balancing financial concerns with practical daily needs is essential for making a well-rounded decision.

Difficult Nature of the Decision

Deciding when to transition aging parents into assisted living is one of the most challenging decisions a family can face. It requires careful consideration of individual needs, family dynamics, and the emotional well-being of everyone involved. Recognize that this decision is deeply personal, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer.

Open communication, empathy, and involving your parents in the decision-making process can help navigate the difficulties.  This ensures that the chosen path supports their wishes and quality of life.

The decision to move aging parents into assisted living is complex and demands thoughtful consideration. By prioritizing health, social and emotional well-being, financial considerations, families can work together. As adult children, you must make choices that prioritize their support, recognizing that the well-being of both parents. It’s not easy, but it’s a fact of life as we all age.

 

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Summer Vacation

Have an agenda and your goals will be accomplished
Have a plan and keep refining for success.

As the school bells ring their final chime, it’s time to decide on the family summer vacation plans.  Coming up with a trip that provides “fun” for everyone (and all ages) requires thoughtful planning. Here’s a guide to help you plan the perfect summer getaway for your family this summer.

Your Family’s Vacation Goals

Begin by gathering your family for a discussion on vacation goals. Identify shared interests and preferences to create an itinerary that resonates with everyone. Whether it’s sandy beaches, a mountain adventure, or cultural exploration, understanding your family’s vision sets the tone for your vacation.

Realistic Budget

Establish a realistic budget that aligns with your family’s financial comfort. Consider factors such as accommodation, transportation, meals, and activities. Research cost-effective options and explore discounts or package deals to maximize your budget. Without compromising on the quality of your vacation, you will enjoy savings and fun for the family.

Family-Friendly Destinations

Select a destination that offers diverse interests for all ages within your family.  Look for destinations offering a variety of activities, attractions, and amenities suitable for children and adults. Whether it’s a theme park, a national park, or beach resort, choose a location that’s a well-rounded experience for your family.

Age-Appropriate Activities

Tailor your itinerary with age-appropriate activities to ensure everyone has a good time. Consider the interests of your younger children, teenagers, and all the adults. Be sure to incorporate a mix of adventure, relaxation, and educational experiences for all tastes.  Strike a balance between planned activities and free time for spur-of-the-moment exploration or relaxation.

Create a Flexible Itinerary

While planning is essential, allow room for flexibility in your itinerary. Unexpected discoveries and adventures often become the most cherished memories. Leave space for downtime and unplanned activities, ensuring your family can embrace the joy of exploration without feeling rushed.

Pack Thoughtfully

Encourage each family member to contribute to the packing process. Create a checklist to ensure essentials like clothing, toiletries, and any specific items related to planned activities are not forgotten. Pack snacks, entertainment, and comfort items for the journey, especially if traveling with younger kids.

Planning a family summer vacation involves a delicate balance of organization and flexibility. By defining goals, setting a budget, and choosing a family-friendly destination you set the stage for a memorable vacation experience. Embrace the chance to create lasting memories, strengthen your family bonds, and enjoy shared adventures under the summer sun.

For more travel inspiration check out: KathyHusserTempe.com

 

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Power of Habits

Sunflower from my garden this spring.
A bright sunflower growing in my front yard garden.

 

Starting on a journey of positive change often centers on forming and sticking to habits. Habits, ingrained routines of behavior, have a profound impact on our daily lives. They influence everything from our productivity to our physical and overall mental well-being. Understanding the science behind habits and implementing effective strategies can be the key to transforming harmful patterns into positive behaviors.

The Science Behind Habits

Habits are deeply rooted in neurological patterns. As we repeat a behavior, our brain forms neural pathways that make the action more automatic over time. This inherent ability of our brains to create habits can be harnessed for positive change. Rather than viewing habits as obstacles, we can leverage the brain’s ability to establish routines that align with our goals.

Identify the Trigger

To change a bad habit, start by identifying the trigger that begins the behavior. Whether it’s stress, boredom, or a specific environment, recognizing the cue that prompts the habit is crucial. Understanding the trigger allows you to implement strategies to interrupt the automatic response and replace it with a positive alternative.

Set Clear and Achievable Goals

Define clear and achievable goals that align with the positive change you want to make. Break down larger objectives into smaller, manageable steps. This not only makes the process less overwhelming but also provides a sense of accomplishment with each milestone. You are reinforcing the formation of a new, positive habit!

Replace with a Positive Behavior

Rather than focusing solely on eliminating a bad habit, redirect your energy toward replacing it with a positive behavior. If your goal is to reduce screen time, replace the habit of scrolling through your phone with a positive behavior. Activities like reading a book or practicing relaxation techniques fit the bill better just before bedtime. The key is to substitute the undesirable action with a healthier alternative.

Utilize the Power of Consistency

Consistency is the bedrock of habit formation. Repetition is what reinforces neural pathways, making a behavior more automatic. Commit to practicing the positive behavior consistently, even when faced with setbacks. Over time, this repetition strengthens the new habit, making it a natural part of your routine.

Accountability and Support

Share your goals with a friend, family member, or a mentor who can provide encouragement and hold you accountable. Having a support system enhances motivation and increases the likelihood of successfully transforming a bad habit. Celebrate achievements together and learn from challenges as a team.

The power of habits lies in their ability to shape our lives. By understanding the science behind habits and implementing strategic approaches, you can change harmful behaviors into positive, life-affirming habits.

Identify triggers, set achievable goals, replace negative behaviors with positive ones, embrace consistency, and seek support. Through this approach, you will create lasting, positive changes that contribute to a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling life.

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Caring for Parents

Yellowstone Lake - Nature is rejuvenating
Wishing you calm and happiness this season

Caring for aging parents is a journey that many of us take on expectedly. As our loved ones enter the later stages of their lives our own lives change. While it is an opportunity to give back and express our gratitude, it is not without its share of challenges. As I navigate through caregiving, I have come to realize the emotional toll it takes. I also discovered the profound rewards that come with caring for aging parents.

Life Balance

One of the most significant challenges I encountered is balancing my life and responsibilities with the needs of my parents. The demands of work, raising a family, and managing personal affairs can sometimes clash. With the time and energy required to ensure the well-being of my parents it’s hard to think of yourself.

It often feels like a juggling act, constantly trying to find a delicate balance. The give and take of caregiving and maintaining “normalcy” in my own life is tough. It is a delicate dance of making sacrifices, setting boundaries, and seeking support. Whether that support is from other family members or external resources to share the load, every bit helps.

Emotional Challenges

Photo by JD Mason on Unsplash

Emotionally, caring for aging parents can be a rollercoaster ride. Witnessing the physical and mental decline of the ones who once cared for you can be heart-wrenching. It is a reminder of their mortality and our own vulnerability. Feelings of guilt, frustration, and helplessness may come up.

As you grapple with the reality of their changing needs and our own limitations, you get sad. Yet, in the midst of these challenging emotions, there is also an opportunity for profound growth, empathy, and connection. It is a time to cherish the precious moments, celebrate small victories, and deepen your bonds with them every day.

Healthcare Frustrations

Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

Navigating the healthcare system and ensuring the best possible care for your parents is yet another hurdle. The maze of medical appointments, medications, and complex decisions can be overwhelming. Advocating for their needs, understanding medical jargon, and coordinating with various healthcare professionals can feel like another full-time job. It requires patience, perseverance, and the willingness to become an informed advocate for your loved ones.

However, being an active participant in their healthcare journey allows us to be their voice. You must ensure their needs are met and advocate for the quality of life they deserve. Because no one else will.

Rewards

Photo by Ekaterina Shakharova on Unsplash

Despite the challenges, caring for aging parents also brings immeasurable rewards. It is an opportunity to give back and show gratitude for the love and care provided us throughout our lives. It deepens our understanding of the value of family, love, and the fragility of time. It teaches us resilience, patience, and compassion.

Witnessing the small victories, the moments of joy, and the strength and resilience of people is amazing. It is a testament to the human spirit and the power of love for family and friends.

Caring for aging parents is a journey that tests our limits, challenges our emotions, and stretches our capacity for compassion. It is not an easy path. It is one filled with profound growth and moments of immeasurable grace. As I continue on this journey, I am reminded of this privilege of caring for my parents. It is a gift that I will forever cherish.

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Growing Happier Lives

Sunflower from my garden this spring.
A bright sunflower growing in my front yard garden.

I just finished a book by Harvard professor Arthur Brooks with insights by Oprah Winfrey. Here are useful nuggets you can use to create a happier life.  See if any of them surprises you.

3 Basic Pillars

The three basic pillars of happiness are enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose. According to Brooks these “macronutrients” of happiness are scientifically proven by studies and our own life experiences.  Case studies and Brooks’ own family are examples of this principle. Some perceptions from Oprah’s own life also illustrate the importance of each one. The book reveals types of career paths you might have chosen due to one of these areas being out of balance. Whether it’s a job or relationship, you need these three “macronutrients” to feel complete joy.

Your Outlook

Another aspect to being happier, (or less unhappy) is having hope. We all have bad things happen in our lives, even tragic. Your reaction and how you deal with those experiences also play into your happiness.

Brooks explains it like this. “There’s a word for believing you can make things better without distorting reality; not optimism, but hope.” Again, illustrated with life and death examples of crisis and how individuals respond to those events determines levels of happiness. Brooks himself explains, he was not a happy person when starting out in his initial career. I won’t spoil anything for you, but his journey is inspiring.

Spirituality

Call it what you will, but believing in a higher power other than focusing on yourself makes a huge difference. Explained as “meditation” or simple connecting on a transcendental level for peace, this is the third area to explore.

Within you lies the power to create happiness and a happier life, but you must live in love and service. Several other spiritual writings assert what Brooks and Winfrey explain, ways they’ve been able to reach this level of contentment.

Living in love is the key along with these main factors. Healthy and happy relationships with the people we are close too, help us understand the feeling of joy and contentment. Living in gratitude, makes us appreciate the good and bad times in our lives.  So, remember, simple joyful experiences are the best kind and keeps us mindful of the love and happiness in our lives.

Think about the last time you were truly happy and joyful. What were you doing?

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Why Love Taylor and Travis

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In the vast landscape of popular culture, certain figures captivate our attention and hold our fascination. Two who seem to effortlessly command the spotlight are Taylor Swift, the iconic singer-songwriter, and Travis Kelce, the NFL player. What is it about these two seemingly contrasting personalities that ignites our collective obsession?

Taylor Swift: The Evolution of Empowerment

Taylor Swift’s journey from country sweetheart to pop sensation has been nothing short of a cultural phenomenon. Swift’s ability to authentically narrate her personal experiences through music has created an intimate connection with her audience. From teenage love anthems to mature reflections on heartbreak and self-discovery, Swift’s discography resonates across generations.

Her openness about relationships, friendships, and the challenges of fame endears her to fans. She makes them feel like they’re on a journey of self-discovery alongside her.

Additionally, Swift’s skilled use of social media invites fans into her world, fostering a sense of community. Her engagement with fans, candid posts, and witty interactions contribute to the perception that she is not just a megastar.  She is also a relatable individual navigating life’s ups and downs.

Travis Kelce: Beyond the Gridiron

Travis Kelce, known for his exceptional skills on the football field, has transcended the confines of his profession. Beyond his athletic expertise, Kelce’s magnetic personality has made him a favorite in and out of the sports arena. The tight end’s charisma, evident in his touchdown celebrations and post-game interviews, sets him apart. Kelce’s authenticity shines through, showcasing a genuine and approachable side of professional athletes often overlooked by the public.

Kelce’s involvement in philanthropy and community outreach further cements his status as a well-rounded and socially conscious figure. Fans are drawn to his genuine passion for making a positive impact off the field. He creates a deeper connection beyond his achievements in football.

Art Meets Athletics

The convergence of Taylor Swift’s musical prowess and Travis Kelce’s athletic excellence may seem unexpected. However, it underscores a broader truth: our fascination often lies at the crossroads of diverse talents. Swift and Kelce represent more than their respective crafts; they embody resilience, authenticity, and the pursuit of excellence in their chosen fields.

In essence, our obsession with Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce is not merely about their talent; it’s a celebration of their humanity. Through vulnerability, relatability, and a commitment to authenticity, these icons become mirrors reflecting our own desires, struggles, and triumphs. In a social media age of curated personas, the genuine nature of Swift and Kelce becomes our beacon. They are guiding our fascination and deepening our connection to their stories with our own.

 

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Gardening Is Like Life

Sunflower from my garden this spring.
A bright sunflower growing in my front yard garden.

Gardening is like life in many ways. What I’ve learned about life, I learned from my gardening experience outdoors and here’s why.

Time Will Tell 

A garden, a really solid variety of flowers (vegetables are a different story) takes about 2 years to establish. Like life, any new relationship, job, or new subject you’re trying to learn takes about 2 years to master. It’s two years before Gerbera Daisies take hold and bloom. The blanket flowers and periwinkles need a few years to take root and really blossom…just like in life.

Having two years of experience in a new job or with a new partner shows you different situations and effects. These “seasons” show you the good, the bad and ugly of that job or person. After about two years, patterns repeat themselves and habits are formed.  Just like your garden where seeds germinate and come back season after season. Time will tell you what you need to know and what direction to take, so listen.

Believe What You See

Flowers especially some bulb varieties are difficult to take root and thrive. Some flowers bloom easily with a little water and care. Others, take so much time to nurture, even “baby along,” until you’ve done very your best and can’t be successful.

Believe what you see, and know that some people, like flowers, will never bloom (like you expect them too.) People’s actions, just like flowers, are who they really are…don’t believe words, believe their actions. Actions tell you someone’s true character, if they’re honest, and trust worthy…just like a hearty garden that grows with care and love.

Can’t Change Mother Nature

In a garden some flowers and plants will only grow in a certain environment, think zone gardening. I live in the desert, zone 9b. The climate is dry and very hot in the summer months. Like some people in your life, some relationships won’t last or thrive. It all comes down to what you want in your life and who you let into your circle. You can’t change someone like you can’t change Mother Nature.

Work especially exposes you to different personalities. Some of these folks will help you grow in your career and support your goals. Others won’t, whether it’s their motivation, the environment, or your personal boundaries. Some people (like plants in your garden) are not meant for you.  Find your peace and people and live like your garden…in abundance.