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Passive-Aggressive People

Leadership written in blue and hand writing the word visible.

Passive-aggressive behavior can be frustrating and confusing. It often shows up as sarcasm, silent treatment, procrastination, or subtle digs that mask real emotions. Instead of expressing anger or disagreement openly, passive-aggressive individuals avoid direct conflict, which can make relationships and work situations feel tense and unclear.

Understanding Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Before responding, it helps to understand what drives passive-aggressive behavior. Often, it stems from a fear of conflict, insecurity, or a lack of assertive communication skills. These individuals may feel powerless or unheard, and use indirect methods to express their dissatisfaction. Recognizing these patterns without taking them personally is key to handling the situation calmly.

How to Communicate Effectively

When dealing with passive-aggressive people, clarity and calmness are essential. Avoid responding with similar behavior or sarcasm, which will only escalate tension. Instead, use assertive, respectful communication. For example, if a colleague “forgets” your request repeatedly, address it calmly: “I’ve noticed that the report hasn’t been turned in. Is there something preventing you from finishing it?”

Stick to the facts, not feelings. Focus on behaviors rather than accusing the person’s character. Use “I” statements to express how the behavior affects you: “I feel frustrated when deadlines are missed, because it impacts the whole team.”

If someone uses sarcasm or avoids a topic, gently bring the issue into the open. Say something like, “It sounds like you might be upset—do you want to talk about it?” This gives them space to share what’s really going on, without feeling attacked.

Getting Along at Work and in Life

In the workplace, maintaining professionalism is crucial. Set clear expectations, document important interactions, and follow up in writing when needed. If you’re in a leadership role, create an environment where open communication is encouraged and respected. When passive-aggressive behavior becomes disruptive, involve HR or a supervisor for support.

In personal relationships, set healthy boundaries and remain consistent. Avoid reacting emotionally or being drawn into guilt trips or manipulation. Sometimes, distance may be necessary if the behavior doesn’t improve despite honest communication.

Patience and empathy help too. Try to see the person behind the behavior—someone who may feel unheard, overwhelmed, or afraid of confrontation.

Dealing with passive-aggressive people isn’t easy, but it’s manageable with self-awareness, clear communication, and firm boundaries. By staying calm, calling out behavior respectfully, and encouraging openness, you can reduce tension and build healthier interactions at work and in life.

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Career Education

Have an agenda and your goals will be accomplished
There is no agenda in life, just be flexible.

What I’ve learned over a 43-year career in education and public service is quite simple. And here’s my story to illustrate a few lessons from experience.

Rejection is Re-Direction

My very first interview was with Jack-in-the-Box, a fast food restaurant. I knew the Assistant Manager, a friend from high school, and thought I’d be great at the job. A job I needed to pay my way for a Student Council Conference in Nevada that summer. I didn’t get the job, despite my friend, Peter’s, recommendation. Disappointment set in, until a week later the supervisor for our public library called me for an interview!  In two weeks, I would be shelving books, in the air-conditioned comfort of my local library.  Thank you, Mary!

Keep Growing

This first high school job, turned into a promotion, raises, and life experience managing people. Working at the library, with our team and leadership during this time was the best learning experience to set me on my career path.  I earned a degree, moved across country and worked for two food companies expanding my people skills into another industry.

I learned from other people different from me. I grew in my career (with more promotions) when young women were just starting to venture out independently in their careers. For example, I was one of the first women to wear pants in my company. I didn’t know I “shouldn’t” in the early 90’s, and I started a “trend” for the female staff.

Take a Break

Taking a break from your career is also a personal decision, my family made when I had children. There was no option to work remotely, and women were still the main caretakers during those years.  This “re-direction” worked out, because when my youngest was 5, I started working again at my public library. And this is the Universe providing the opportunity I needed, at the right time in my career.

I had the best boss, since the manager that hired me left two weeks into my tenure. But, he told me, “You’re ‘good people’ Kathy, and you’ll do well even after I’ve retired.”  After 25 years, that compliment and the break he provided me was the start of something even better.

Good Habits Equal Success

Back at the library, I learned every aspect of City government and managing large and smaller teams. My growth was due to volunteering for opportunities and always helping others which strengthen my people skills. Over time these work habits, plus self-awareness, and my solid reputation enabled me to reach my ultimate goal of Director. The one thing I didn’t do, was applaud my own success. (Women tend not to “toot their own horn,” even today…. but we’re getting better!)

Over time with more rejection and redirection, I’ve discovered your career is not linear. Your career will take detours for many reasons. At times, you have no control over your path. But my innate character qualities, strong habits, and work ethic allowed me to succeed in other roles.

Roles that gave me more learning opportunities and success beyond my dreams.  I even returned to work for an organization that got me started early in my career. They knew me, my work, and my kind-heartedness. Match made in heaven!

For more career inspiration check out: KathyHusserTempe.com

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Kindness Equals Wellness

"Be wary of Negative People..."

In today’s fast-paced world, the concepts of wellness and kindness are often treated as luxuries, secondary to ambition or success. However, scientific research tells a different story: both wellness and kindness are essential for a fulfilling, healthy life. They are not just feel-good buzzwords. They are backed by scientific evidence showing their power to enhance mental, emotional, and even physical well-being.

Physical Connection

Wellness is generally defined as a holistic combination of physical health, mental clarity, and emotional balance. Research has revealed that practices like mindfulness, regular physical activity, and adequate sleep directly influence brain function and emotional regulation.

Mindfulness meditation has been shown to reduce the activity of the brain’s stress center. This while strengthening connections which directs your rational thinking and emotional control. A 2011 Harvard study found that just eight weeks of mindfulness training increased gray matter in areas of the brain associated with memory, empathy, and stress regulation.

Similarly, physical exercise boosts endorphin levels, natural mood lifters. —increases brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), a protein linked to improved cognitive function and reduced anxiety. Sleep, too, plays a vital role: studies show that chronic sleep deprivation impairs judgment, increases irritability, and weakens the immune system.

The Science of Kindness

Equally convincing is the research on kindness. Acts of kindness—whether helping a stranger, volunteering, or simply expressing gratitude—have profound effects on the brain and body. Engaging in kind behavior triggers the release of oxytocin, sometimes referred to as the “love hormone.” Oxytocin reduces blood pressure, strengthens social bonds, and improves overall heart health.

An Oxford research study showed that people who performed acts of kindness for seven days experienced a significant boost in happiness. Even witnessing kindness, rather than directly participating in it, can elevate mood and foster a sense of connection.

Moreover, kindness is linked to lower levels of cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone. Lower cortisol means less inflammation, better sleep, and improved immune function. In essence, kindness not only feels good—it literally does good.

Kindness and Wellness

What makes these findings especially powerful is how wellness and kindness reinforce each other. When people take care of their own well-being, they are more likely to be empathetic, patient, and kind. Conversely, engaging in kind behavior boosts self-esteem and emotional resilience, making it easier to maintain wellness practices.

This interplay creates a positive feedback loop: wellness promotes kindness, and kindness enhances wellness. It’s a virtuous cycle that benefits not only individuals but communities as well. Schools that use social-emotional learning programs, which emphasize empathy and mindfulness, report reduced bullying and better academic outcomes. Workplaces that encourage employee well-being and compassion see higher job satisfaction and lower turnover.

The message from science is clear: wellness and kindness are deeply connected and mutually reinforcing. They are not fringe ideals but essential elements of a healthy, thriving life. By taking small steps—meditating, exercising, sleeping well, or showing compassion—we harness the power of both wellness and kindness. These can transform not only ourselves but the world around us.

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4th of July

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The Fourth of July, or Independence Day, is celebrated annually in the United States. It marks the signing of the Declaration of Independence in 1776. On this day, the thirteen American colonies declared their independence from Britain. The Declaration was drafted primarily by Thomas Jefferson. The document was approved by the Continental Congress on July 4th. From the beginning the Founding Fathers realized separating power would make a stronger democracy for our new country.

History of the 4th

The path to independence was long and filled with conflict. Tensions between the colonies and Britain had been building for years. The American Revolution began in 1775, as colonists sought greater autonomy. Many colonists were upset about taxation without representation and other restrictive British policies. The Declaration was a formal statement asserting their right to self-governance. Independence and freedom were key factors in breaking away.

Early celebrations of Independence Day were held as soon as July 1777. In Philadelphia, festivities included parades, fireworks, and military displays. Similar celebrations soon spread to other towns and cities across the new nation. Public readings of the Declaration became a common feature of these events.

In the early years, Independence Day was primarily a regional celebration. However, it gained national importance over time. By the early 1800s, the day had become widely recognized as a National Holiday. Celebrations evolved to include public gatherings, speeches, and community events. Patriotism and unity were central themes in these early observances.

Fireworks

Fireworks, a staple of today’s celebrations, have been part of the holiday since its earliest days. The explosive displays symbolize the revolutionary spirit and the colonies’ struggle for freedom. Parades, concerts, and other public events often accompany the fireworks.

During the 19th century, Independence Day solidified its role in American culture. It became a time for communities to come together and celebrate national pride. The holiday was officially recognized by Congress as a federal holiday in 1870. This ensured that it would be observed across the country every year.

The Meaning

As the United States grew, so did the significance of the Fourth of July. It became not only a celebration of independence but also of American ideals. Liberty, equality, and democracy were often highlighted during the holiday’s speeches and events.

In modern times, Independence Day is celebrated in a variety of ways. Parades, barbecues, and fireworks displays are common traditions across the country. Many cities host large public celebrations, while families gather for private festivities. Patriotic music, including the national anthem, is often performed at public events.

The Fourth of July remains one of the most important holidays in the United States. It serves as a reminder of the country’s fight for independence and its core values. Today, it continues to foster a sense of unity and national pride for our democracy. Let’s remember this important history especially this year.

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Memorial Day

Graphic with the words Libraries are for Everyone

Memorial Day, a federal holiday in the United States, honors fallen military service members. Its origins date back to the post-Civil War era, a time of national mourning and remembrance. The Civil War, which ended in 1865, resulted in over 600,000 deaths. The vast number of casualties created a need for commemorative practices across the country.

The History of the Day

The first large-scale Memorial Day observance occurred on May 30, 1868. General John A. Logan, the leader of a Union veterans’ group, called for a nationwide day of remembrance. Originally known as “Decoration Day,” it was a time to decorate graves of soldiers with flowers. The date of May 30 was chosen because it wasn’t the anniversary of any specific battle. This allowed all Americans to pay their respects on a neutral day.

Decoration Day initially honored only those who died fighting in the Civil War. Over time, it became a broader occasion to remember all U.S. military members who died in service. Following World War I, the scope of the holiday expanded to include fallen soldiers from all American conflicts. In 1971, Congress officially declared Memorial Day a national holiday. It was also established as the last Monday in May, providing a three-day weekend for many.

Focus Today

Memorial Day has evolved beyond its original focus. Today, Americans observe it with ceremonies, parades, and family gatherings. Traditional activities include laying wreaths, raising flags, and holding moments of silence. Many communities also host events to honor local veterans and military families. National cemeteries, such as Arlington, hold special ceremonies attended by government officials.

Over time, Memorial Day has also come to signify the unofficial start of summer. As a result, the holiday weekend is often filled with barbecues, beach outings, and other leisure activities. Some worry this shift distracts from the true purpose of honoring fallen soldiers. However, many people still take time during the day to reflect on the sacrifices made by military members.

Photo by Laurentiu Iordache on Unsplash

Significance of Poppies

One key symbol of Memorial Day is the red poppy flower. Inspired by the World War I poem “In Flanders Fields,” it became an emblem of remembrance. Today, veterans’ organizations distribute poppies to raise funds for servicemembers and their families. My father has been involved in our community with the distribution of poppies.

Memorial Day is a time for Americans to honor those who gave their lives in military service. Its origins in the aftermath of the Civil War have shaped a lasting tradition of national reflection. While its meaning has broadened and evolved, the central theme remains the same — remembering and honoring those who served the country at the highest cost.

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What I Learned

Graphic with the words Libraries are for Everyone

What I’ve learned over a 43-year career in education and public service is quite simple. And here’s my story to illustrate a few lessons from experience.

Rejection is Re-Direction

My very first interview was with Jack-in-the-Box, a fast food restaurant. I knew the Assistant Manager, a friend from high school, and thought I’d be great at the job. A job I needed to pay my way for a Student Council Conference in Nevada that summer. I didn’t get the job, despite my friend, Peter’s, recommendation.

Disappointment set in, until a week later the supervisor for our public library called me for an interview!  In two weeks, I would be shelving books, in the air-conditioned comfort of my local library.  Thank you, Mary!

Keep Growing

This first high school job, turned into a promotion, raises, and life experience managing people. Working at the library, with our team and leadership during this time was the best learning experience to set me on my career path.  I earned a degree, moved across country and worked for two food companies expanding my people skills into another industry.

I learned from other people different from me. I grew in my career (with more promotions) when young women were just starting to venture out independently in their careers. For example, I was one of the first women to wear pants in my company. I didn’t know I “shouldn’t” in the early 90’s, and I started a “trend” for the female staff.

Take a Break

Taking a break from your career is also a personal decision, my family made when I had children. There was no option to work remotely, and women were still the main caretakers during those years.

This “re-direction” worked out, because when my youngest was 5, I started working again at my public library. And this is the Universe providing the opportunity I needed, at the right time in my career.

I had the best boss, since the manager that hired me left two weeks into my tenure. But, he told me, “You’re ‘good people’ Kathy, and you’ll do well even after I’ve retired.”  After 25 years, that compliment and the break he provided me was the start of something even better.

Good Habits Equal Success

Back at the library, I learned every aspect of City government and managing large and smaller teams. My growth was due to volunteering for opportunities and always helping others which strengthen my people skills. Over time these work habits, plus self-awareness, and my solid reputation enabled me to reach my ultimate goal of Director.

The one thing I didn’t do, was applaud my own success. (Women tend not to “toot their own horn,” even today…. but we’re getting better!)

Over time with more rejection and redirection, I’ve discovered your career is not linear. Your career will take detours for many reasons. At times, you have no control over your path. But my innate character qualities, strong habits, and work ethic allowed me to succeed in other roles.

Roles that gave me more learning opportunities and success beyond my dreams.  I even returned to work for an organization that got me started early in my career. They knew me, my work, and my kind-heartedness. Match made in heaven!

For more career inspiration check out: KathyHusserTempe.com

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Professional Development

Leadership written in blue and hand writing the word visible.

Professional development includes a variety of learning opportunities that can enhance skills and knowledge in the workplace. Different types of professional development can significantly benefit individuals. Each education offering gives you advantages depending on your learning preferences and career goals. As a 25-year veteran of civil service and private business, let’s take a look at what is right for you and your ambitions.

Workshops and Seminars

These are typically short, focused sessions that dive into specific topics. Workshops often provide hands-on experience and real-time feedback. Participating in seminars allows for immediate application of new skills, making it easier to incorporate knowledge into daily tasks.

These formats encourage networking with peers and industry experts, fostering valuable connections. Traveling to a new city or industry event is also part of a workshop’s draw for professionals.

Online Courses

With the rise of digital learning platforms, online courses offer flexibility in scheduling and content delivery. Individuals can learn at their own pace. You select topics that align with their career aspirations and learning goals.  Online courses often provide a wide range of subjects, from technical skills to soft skills like communication and leadership. You also don’t have to travel anywhere but to your computer, allowing for a tailored and efficient learning experience.

Mentorship Programs

Engaging in a mentorship relationship provides personalized guidance and support. Mentors can share their experiences, helping mentees navigate career challenges and opportunities.

This one-on-one interaction fosters deeper learning and insight, promoting personal and professional growth. A word of caution is trust must be the foundation of your mentor relationship.  You will not benefit and could be hurt if trust is broken or never present in the mentor program.

Industry Conferences

Attending conferences exposes you to the latest trends, innovations, and best practices in your field. These events often feature keynote speakers and panel discussions, providing insights from thought leaders. Networking opportunities flourish, enabling professionals to connect with potential collaborators or employers.

ALA for librarians and education sales professionals enable connections to be made and sustained yearly. If you can attend, do it.  You will benefit in the long run and so will your career.

Certifications and Credentials

Pursuing industry-specific certifications demonstrates commitment and expertise in a particular area. These credentials can enhance employability and open doors to promotions. You will showcase dedication to professional growth and your commitment to your organization when you go that extra mile.

Various types of professional development offer different benefits. By exploring workshops, online courses, mentorships, conferences, and certifications, individuals can tailor learning experiences. These opportunities will meet specific needs and your individual career goals. Embracing these occasions can lead to improved skills, increased job satisfaction, and greater career advancement. 

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Continuing Education

Leadership written in blue and hand writing the word visible.Continuing education is crucial for professionals at any stage of their careers, even after achieving a stable position. In today’s rapidly evolving job market, staying current with industry trends and advancements is essential. Ongoing learning helps you adapt to changes in technology, regulations, and best practices. This ensuring you are relevant and competitive in your role.

Skills

One of the primary benefits of continuing education is skill enhancement. As industries evolve, new skills become necessary. By pursuing further education, professionals acquire new skills. This allows you to take on new responsibilities and improve job performance. A proactive approach can lead to career advancement, promotions, and increased job satisfaction.

Personal Growth

Continuing education fosters personal growth. Engaging in new learning experiences encourages critical thinking and creativity. It opens up opportunities to explore diverse perspectives and innovative solutions to challenges in the workplace. This not only enhances individual capabilities but also contributes to a more dynamic and productive work environment.

Networking

Networking opportunities also abound with continuing education. Workshops, seminars, and courses provide platforms for professionals to connect with peers and industry leaders. These connections can lead toward collaborations, mentorships, and other job opportunities. These will further enhance your career prospects down the road.

Lifelong Learning

Additionally, pursuing continuing education demonstrates a commitment to lifelong learning. Employers value individuals who actively seek knowledge and self-improvement. This dedication can set you apart from peers, showcasing your motivation and ambition.

Education is vital for career growth and personal development. It enables professionals to adapt to changes, acquire new skills, foster creativity, and build valuable networks. Embracing lifelong learning not only enhances individual careers but also contributes to a more knowledgeable and skilled workforce. Prioritizing ongoing education is essential for sustained success in any profession.

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Relocating Out of State

Have an agenda and your goals will be accomplished
Have a plan and keep refining for success.

Relocating to another state can be an exciting yet challenging experience. The key to a successful move lies in careful planning and execution. Here are some essential steps to ensure a smooth interstate move.  From contacting movers to negotiating contracts, these tips will help you with the transition.

Research and Contact Reliable Movers

The first step is start researching moving companies as early as possible. Look for movers that specialize in interstate moves, as they’ll be more familiar with the logistics and regulations involved. Utilize online reviews, ask for recommendations from friends or family. Finally, be sure to verify the company’s credentials through the Federal Motor Carrier Safety Administration (FMCSA). Ensure the company is licensed, insured, and has a U.S. Department of Transportation (USDOT) number.

Once you’ve shortlisted a few companies, request in-home or virtual estimates. This will provide a more accurate quote based on the volume of items to be moved. Beware of companies that offer lowball estimates, as they might add hidden charges later.

Negotiate and Finalize the Contract

Before signing a contract, thoroughly review all the details. The contract should outline the total cost, services included, & delivery timeline. Most importantly, any additional fees such as packing materials or handling specialty items needs to be detailed in the contract.

Don’t hesitate to negotiate the price. Ask if there are any discounts available, such as for flexible moving dates, military service, or AAA membership.  Prices will go up, but won’t ever go down, so negotiate ahead of the move.

Pay close attention to the type of estimate provided—whether it’s binding, non-binding, or binding-not-to-exceed. A binding estimate guarantees the final cost won’t exceed the quoted amount, which can provide peace of mind.

Additionally, ask about the company’s claims process in case of damage or loss during the move. Understanding this beforehand will save you time and frustration if issues arise. Read the fine print and be prepared just in case something unexpected happens during the trip.

Plan for a Smooth Moving Day

In the weeks leading up to the move, create a detailed moving checklist. This should include tasks such as updating your address with the post office, transferring utilities, and securing important documents. Declutter your home by selling, donating, or discarding items you no longer need. This can also reduce your moving costs quite a bit.

On moving day, have a bag packed with essentials like toiletries, medications, important documents, and a change of clothes. This ensures you have everything you need during transit, while waiting for your belongings to arrive at your new home.

Stay Organized and Communicate

Maintain clear communication with your movers. Confirm details like the arrival time, delivery window, and any special instructions for your belongings. Keep a copy of the contract and inventory list handy in case of discrepancies.

Finally, just being patient and positive with the moving company will help your stress level. Unexpected events can happen out of the ordinary, like weather or traffic which affect the movers’ timeline.

Moving to another state is a significant life event, but with proper preparation, it can be a stress-free experience. By researching, creating a detailed plan, and staying organized, you can ensure your move goes smoothly. This will allow you to focus on settling into your new home.

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Let Things Go

"Be wary of Negative People..."

I had to share the latest book I read, “How to Let Things Go, 99 Tips…” by Shunmyo Mansuno. Simple and valuable nuggets I found helpful to get us through challenging and good times.

Character

The way you handle difficult people show a great deal about your character and value system. Do you let the little things get to you or worry a lot? If you tend to focus on what “can go wrong,” vs. allowing life to happen, listen up.  Mansuno, who is also a Buddhist Monk, provides reminders on “…relinquishing anxiety, impatience, and anger.”

You are in control of your own emotions and the reaction to personal situations, nothing else. If worry about every scenario that “could happen,” you’re wasting valuable energy.

Let life happen, but be smart about it. Suggestions include, “moderating your expectations.”  Not everything will go your way in life. So be humble, and let me say that again, just be humble.

Social Media

What you see on social media is the 2%-5% of the “great” that is happening in people’s lives. The author suggests that people knowing about 50% (or even 30%) is a healthy way to live.  Keep your life private for peace of mind.

We don’t need to know everything, and it keeps the pressure off of you to be “picture perfect.”  Everyone has something they are dealing with, that we don’t know about it.  And that’s just fine, and it’s a healthy way to go through life.

Accountability

Finally, do what you’ll say you are going to do.  “Don’t push things off until tomorrow,” we’re reminded.  You can tell a person’s true intentions by what “they do” not what they say. So just do it, and live your life with integrity and accountability.

That also goes for taking responsibility when things don’t work out, or you make a mistake. We learn more from our mistakes than we do from our successes, always.

And surrounding yourself with people that lift you up and support you will help you all through life.  As the authors reminds us, “Be wary of negative people.”  Positivity and kindness will be habits for life to help during the bad times and nurture you in good times.

So, what is your “go to” to help others navigate this changing world?

For more living well, tips check out my website: KathyHusserTempe.com